Marriage as a Social Institution
Stephen L. Nock
Steven L. Nock was a sociology professor at the University of Virginia who researched marriage and family issues. He wrote books and articles about how American families have changed, including topics like privacy, fatherhood, cohabitation, and divorce. His book, Marriage in Men's Lives, won a major award for its impact on family research.
In this essay, Nock discusses the national marriage debate, focusing on how social and demographic trends have changed marriage and family roles. He believes marriage and parenthood are private matters, relevant only to the individuals involved. He also highlights programs that have improved marriage stability, reduced divorce rates, decreased births outside of marriage, and promoted responsible fatherhood.
Marriage is more than just a partnership between two people; it's a relationship defined by legal, moral, and societal norms. These norms create rules that shape how marriages work and make them different from other relationships. Married couples benefit from a set of widely understood principles that help guide their lives.
For men, marriage can provide structure and help them focus on their goals. Sociologist Emile Durkheim argued over a century ago that marriage plays a role in preventing problems like suicide. He believed that because basic needs are met in modern societies, people often desire things like comfort and status. However, there's a risk of wanting too much, so social institutions like marriage help set limits on these desires.
Durkheim believed that marriage benefits men by restraining their wild desires and impulses. He argued that by committing to one woman, a man finds a moral balance and limits his desires, which helps him find happiness. He believed that marriage forces men to focus their love on one woman, preventing them from seeking other satisfactions and making them more content with their lives. In contrast, cohabiting couples, who live together without being married, enjoy more freedom since they are not bound by the same social rules. Two people can live happily together without being married, and many Americans believe that living together without marriage provides more freedom. Unmarried couples can make their own decisions about their relationship, such as how to handle family interactions, vacation plans, and finances. Unlike married couples, who follow a set of social rules and laws, unmarried couples must create their own guidelines. Unlike married couples, cohabiting couples don't have the same societal expectations or legal obligations, and their commitments are less defined and enforced by laws, religion, or customs. Marriage comes with certain expectations and responsibilities enforced by society, law, and tradition. For example, a husband and wife are expected to be faithful, care for their children, and have obligations to close relatives, which are recognized and supported by others.
An unmarried couple living happily together doesn't have clear societal conventions or expectations to follow. There are no specific rules about their behavior, who they are responsible for, or who they can rely on for help. The lack of a specific word to describe a cohabiting partner shows that these relationships aren't as defined or structured as marriage.
Marriage is considered a form of "capital," similar to physical and human capital. Physical capital is tangible, like material resources; human capital involves skills and knowledge; and social capital is the relationships and networks of trust between people. Social capital, like other forms of capital, helps facilitate productive activities.
This type of capital is built on trust and involves fulfilling and repaying obligations. When people marry, they gain new family connections that come with responsibilities. Unlike casual relationships, these kinship ties involve deep obligations, where relatives can rely on each other for help. These obligations create lasting bonds. Social capital also connects people in networks that share valuable information, maintained by social norms and expectations. Like other forms of capital, social capital benefits individuals, but it depends on the social structures around them. Marriage, as an institution, is a valuable but intangible asset, relying on relationships with others, making it harder to maintain or grow.
Marriage is different from other types of relationships because of certain rules that define it. In America, these rules (six dimensions that define normative marriage) include the following: marriage is usually entered into by mature, heterosexual adults who choose it voluntarily; husbands are expected to be the main earners; both partners should be sexually faithful; and married couples are expected to have children. Even though not all marriages follow these ideals, they still form the basis of what is considered a typical marriage in law, religion, and custom. Marriage acts as a form of social control, guiding how people behave and what they aim for. These rules give marriage a unique meaning and shape how it affects people's lives.
SHORT SUMMARY
Steven L. Nock (1950-2008) was a sociology professor at the University of Virginia, known for his extensive research on marriage and its societal role. He worked as a consultant on American family policy and authored textbooks and articles about changes in the American family, focusing on issues like privacy, unmarried fatherhood, cohabitation (the act of living together and having a sexual relationship without being married), commitment, divorce, and marriage. His book Marriage in Men's Lives received the William J. Good Book Award in 1999. In his essay, Nock explores the national marriage debate, arguing that marriage and parenthood are private matters. He also highlights programs that have improved marital relationships, lowered divorce rates, reduced out-of-wedlock births, and promoted responsible fatherhood.
In his essay "Marriage as a Social Institution," Stephen L. Nock examines the national marriage debate, focusing on how social and demographic changes have altered the roles of marriage and family. Marriage is more than a union between two people; it's an institution shaped by legal, moral, and social norms that distinguish it from other relationships. These norms create boundaries and expectations that guide the behavior of married couples. He argues that marriage and parenthood are private matters, relevant only to those involved. Nock highlights programs that have strengthened marriages, reduced divorce rates, lowered out-of-wedlock births, and promoted responsible fatherhood.
Nock believes marriage plays a significant role in a man's life, helping him develop his masculine identity and take on responsibilities like fidelity (faithfulness) and parenting. According to Nock, married men tend to have better physical and mental health than married women. In contrast, unmarried cohabitation lacks the defined rules of marriage, offering more freedom but less structure. Cohabiting couples must navigate relationship boundaries independently, without the societal template that marriage provides.
The essay references French sociologist Emile Durkheim, who argues that marriage benefits men by providing structure and purpose in life, reducing irrational desires, and lowering suicide rates. Marriage is seen as a stabilizing force that guides men toward achieving their goals.
By forcing a man to attach himself forever to the same woman, marriage assigns a strictly definite object to the need for love, and closes the horizon. This determination is what forms the state of moral equilibrium from which the husband benefits. Being unable to seek other satisfactions than those permitted, without transgressing his duty, he restricts his desires to them. The salutary discipline to which he is subjected makes it his duty to find his happiness in his lot, and by doing so supplies him with the means. (1951: 270-71)
Today, cohabitation without marriage is becoming more common, but it lacks the legal and societal recognition that marriage provides. Unlike married couples, cohabitating partners do not have the same responsibilities, rights, or public acknowledgment as husband and wife.
Nock outlines six common beliefs about marriage in America (Normative Marriage):
- Marriage is a personal choice based on love.
- Maturity is required for marriage.
- Marriage is a heterosexual relationship.
- The husband is typically the head and main earner.
- Sexual faithfulness is expected.
- Marriage often involves having children.
Marriage builds a bond based on trust and reliability, creating social and familial connections. It requires mutual support and commitment, making it both a personal asset and a challenging relationship to maintain.
Marriage also acts as a form of social capital, connecting spouses to a network of kinship and social obligations, which provides support and access to resources. These relationships are sustained by trust and social norms. The institution of marriage is an asset that, while intangible, significantly impacts individuals' lives. It involves voluntary commitment, expectations of fidelity (loyalty), and often leads to parenthood, thus serving as a form of social control and guiding behavior in a structured manner.
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